****Sneak Preview****
Chapter 1
It
was only supposed to be a one night stand. I think to
myself as I reach across the cold mahogany desk for the thick stack of
forms. I watch the social workers lips
as she speaks. She sounds as if she’s
talking under water. “Ms. Peterson,” She says. “Are you sure this is what you
want?” I wish she would stop asking me
that question. It’s all I’ve thought
about for the last nine months. “I can’t have a baby,” I say flatly. “And you
Mr. Goldman, are you sure you want to relinquish all of your parental rights?
You have other options,” Katherine says looking back and forth from me to
Riley. He’s sitting next to me gaping at
the woman with his mouth open. He looks
over at my swollen belly. It’s so big
that I have to lean forward to reach the table.
He swallows hard. “Yes I’m sure,” He says avoiding Katherine’s gaze.
The day I told Riley I was pregnant was
the day I decided not to keep the baby.
I never wanted kids but I knew that if I ever changed my mind it would
be because I was with a man that I truly loved.
I don’t love Riley. In fact
looking over at his nervous face I wonder why I ever slept with him in the
first place. It wasn’t hard to convince him to give the baby up. This child
would be a constant reminder of my short comings, of both of our short comings.
We know that a baby would only bond us together and neither of us wants that.
I sign the final documents and slide them
over to Riley. He hesitates. “What will
happen once the baby is born,” He says his pin hovering over the forms. “A
social worker will come to the hospital room and meet with you. She will then take the child to a foster home
until we find a family to adopt him or her.
I have to tell you that there are a lot of African American children in
foster care. It could be very difficult
to find a home for your child.” Riley
looks over at me and I can see the guilt in his eyes. He signs the paper, pushes away from the
table and leaves the room. “Thank you,”
I say standing as quickly as I can and following Riley out the door. I wobble out of the room and step into the
brisk San Francisco air. Riley is half
way down the block when I spot him. I
call out his name and he spins around fast.
His green eyes are piercing through me.
“Come on Riley don’t be that guy,” I say
when I approach him. I’ve told you from
the beginning that I was going to give the baby up for adoption.” He shoves his hands in his pocket and
shuffles his feet from side to side. “How can you be so nonchalant?” He says. “Can’t someone in your family take the
baby?” I’m sure the agency will find
someone to adopt her,” I say. I came to
the bay area to get away from my family.
Everyday someone was asking me what I planned to do once the baby is
born. I don’t want them to have to bear
the burden of my mistake. “She will be
fine. If you’re so worried about her
than why don’t you or your family take her?” He looks at me solemnly. “It’s a girl,” He says. His eyes mist a little. He turns his back to me. “You should have had an abortion,” He says as
he ambles away. I stand on the sidewalk
watching him until he’s out of sight. I didn’t
have an abortion because this baby didn’t ask me screw Riley in the men’s room
at a Vegas night club. It was my fault I
got pregnant not hers. She should at
least be given a chance to live.
